My brother Chitta used to tell me, “Never, never make an outer promise. Only promise to yourself inwardly what you want to do in your life and with others’ lives. The moment you outwardly tell the world what you are going to do, or what you expect others to do for you, for others, or for themselves, the hostile forces will invariably attack you directly. Then other undivine forces will try to enter into you: humanity’s jealousy, humanity’s insecurity, humanity’s doubt and many wrong forces.
“When your promise is in the inner world, the undivine forces remain dormant. They think that it is just wishful thinking. When you are talking to yourself inwardly, they think it is not really a promise. But when you open your mouth for the public to hear, for humanity to hear, then you are exposed. At every moment your inner will has to come forward to fulfil your promise; otherwise, if you are unable to fulfil your promise, you will be assailed by self-doubt and self-mockery. The world does not have to mock at you. You yourself, your own sincerity, will mock at you. So it is better to keep your promise inside your heart: not to deliver it from your tongue and not to keep it even on the tip of your tongue.”
Here I am not listening to my brother; I am not doing the right thing. All the time I am making outer promises: I will write so many songs, I will paint so many pictures, I will do this, that. But in my case, I am a spoiled child in the family. I do exactly the opposite of what they ask me to do. Therefore, I am paying the penalty very nicely with my disciples. And I am not only the spoiled child in my family, I not only exploited my family’s affection and love, but I also exploit the Love, Affection, Blessing and Compassion of my Beloved Supreme every day, every hour, every minute, every second. I always feel that if something comes out of my mouth, then He will be there to keep my promise, justify my promise. This is my inner conviction. I know I was nothing, I am nothing, I will remain nothing in humanity’s eye. But in my Father’s Eye, in my Father’s Heart, I am everything, for I love Him, I need Him only, only, only.
20 de julio, 1977
Jamaica High School
Jamaica, New York